Quite often it has happened with me. I am taking my walk in a park at my own speed. A lady outpaces and overtakes me. Suddenly I feel that I cannot allow this to happen. I increase my speed and feel satisfied only when I am able to overtake her. This has happened in academic and professional fields too. It is somewhere in the sub conscious mind not to get defeated by ladies. But for the past few days I feel that I am being outperformed by my wife. The following account will clarify it.
For quite sometime we have been requesting our daughter and son to give us an opportunity of baby sitting. Luckily we became grandparents in Oct and now our daughter asked us to be with her in Singapore to assist her when she goes for a job. Myself and wife came over to take care of Vihaan who is seven months old. This is the best job after retirement I have found. The job of Dean in a Management School that I took up after my retirement from Punjab National Bank also concluded well in time for me to be free to come to Singapore. Here I have no professional/ academic responsibility and no engagement. I am also out of touch with gossips as I have not yet activated my international roaming on my mobile and didnot buy local number.
So for last one month our only preoccupation is to take care of Vihaan and ourselves. But I find my wife has scored much higher marks than me in the last one month. Vihaan gets up around 8am. We have rescheduled our morning walks in such a way that we take him with us. But before Vihaan gets up Rita is free from her morning Saadhna (Yoga+Pranayaam=45 minutes) and her cup of tea. In addition she takes charge of Vihaan from Mansi and also has to look after his ablutions which only she can do. Before we go for morning walk I miss either Saadhna or morning cup of tea which I have to make up on return. During the day my only job is to play with Vihaan. But she cooks food for all of us on all occasions and in addition all critical moments are handled by her like changing pads and making him sleep or to pacify him when he cries. She also runs the washing machine and makes sure that the clothes are dried and ironed. In addition he is most uptodate with news from friends and relatives and also gives appropriate instructions for shopping in which she accompanies me during morning or evening walk, I did some household jobs like peeling vegetables or cutting fruits & salads on a couple of occasions and feel that I have done a great job.
Taking care of tiny toddler is a very pleasant job. We cannot leave the child alone. Each day the child grows and gives the pleasure of his love and affection. It is now only that I have realised that I missed the opportunity to see this phase of life of my son and daughter and this happened not because I was out of station or not available but because I remained unnecessarily preoccupied in by joining evening courses to do Management Diploma course. It is now only that I realise that Rita has taken care of all departments of the family life in much better fashion than me and in addition was a regular teacher in a Govt School where she was professionally very successful.
So there is no meaning in feeling that I donot allow any woman to outpace me in morning walk. She has walked with me through out my life but has always outperformed and outpaced. This makes me do some introspection. In the so called man dominated society it is the woman who contributes more. In the blog posts that will follow I will write cases where this is proved.
Nice blog. I feel female folk have monopoly over kitchen & household management! Perhaps for ages they have been doing that to perfection. With time they are changing & gentlemen are also changing albeit slowly.
ReplyDeleteDear Harsh, Women can do everything that men can do. In addition they can be mothers too. This role of motherhood develops in them some qualities of compassion and care which men lack. The so called monoply of kitchen and household for ages is assigned to women by design of man dominated societies,. In egalitarian societies in south east Asia and Europe women demand equal participation by men and in modern Indian Society too girls demand equal participation. You are right times are changing but slowly.
DeleteSatish Kalra Ji women who work outside homes and look after homes too with perfection are worth weighing in gold
DeleteSatish Kalra Ji women who work outside homes and look after homes too with perfection are worth weighing in gold
DeleteI agree with you Neelima. I have seen in our society women started taking up jobs in the hope that unlike their mothers and mothers in law they will be relieved of domestic responsibilities. In the process however they got burdened. No one relieved them of their domestic responsibility.In addition they took up responsibility of earning additional income for the family which they generally spend for the family. Women in our generation which was transition phase suffered the most. Men continued to live in a paradise that it is not honourable to cooperate in the kitchen, because they were brought up like that. It is only the present generation that the girls are asking for sharing domestic responsibility for their husbands
DeleteI loved reading your thoughts and experiences !! You absolutely make sense in saying that there is no space for sexism, bigotry, chauvinism... in this world any more!! It is hard to see that male dominance still prevails in most of the countries; 1st world or 3rd world is not a criteria to judge it. This comes from my own experience of living in 1st worlds from last 8 years !! I believe it is morals and values that family inculcates in a child that makes him a man or her a lady in true sense!! In saying that I am proud of you Bare Papa as I am proud of the man I married !! # your youngest son !! Please write more !! This is a great talent !! Heads up for this !! And push Bari Mama to write as well . :)
ReplyDeleteSo nice Apurva. I will come up with some more thoughts if I continue to get encouragement like this
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